Come~ Come~ Come~ My unfortunate Uglies. Today your beautiful Yumichika has decided to be most charitable and amiable. I will take you under my wing and teach you to be the best that you can be. True, your level will never come close to mine, but to have a taste of almost-perfection is a gift that I would like to bestow upon you. Strength and beauty are things most necessary for a full and wonderful life! ♥ Let me serve as your beacon of hope and guide you with all my radiance.

I know a few of you are rather shy about stepping up for aid, but do allow me to address you personally. It is the first step in crawling from your ugly shell, you pitiful larvae. ♥

Speaking of insects, oh ugly Cockroach-chan~ Come to me, you worthless thing. ♥ My greatest efforts will be reserved for you, for you are in dire need. Let us work on that sloppy physique, shall we? And that mask has to go as soon as possible. So much work, so much work...

Shihouin Yoruichi~ ♥ Those split ends. Tsktsk! Such thick and pretty hair made ragged by your lazy and careless ways. And you must be careful of those hips as well. It looks as if you've already delivered a litter of kittens. Imagine that at your age! Give yourself to me and I will transform you into a delicate, wild-eyed sex kitten~ Meow.

Kurosaki-san, let's not be tacky. The hair color has to go. And your pores are atrocious. Do you ever bathe after your battles? I could build a mountain from the clogs in your skin. You'll never win the affections of that ample-bosomed bombshell with those nasty habits.

Ah, the Arrancar and their Rat King. Save the best for last, mn? What isn't wrong with the lot of you? Where to begin, where to begin... I'm afraid that there is no hope for your filthy, greedy, pieced-together toys, but you still have a fighting chance, Aizen-san. Even though your personality is awful and your actions are bastardly, you manage to be civil. Why can't your looks follow suit? That slicked back hair. Really... I believe I saw a pimp of sorts in Karakura Town with the same style.

Ahh, even the dogs have my mercy today. The poor, disgusting things. I will groom them accordingly and locate suitable collars. Something with a jingle, perhaps...

So much to do and so much friendly aid to supply. Yes, City, your Beautiful Messiah is waiting. ♥


[ooc: cursed like a mother eff. And yes, this is him being friendly. Cursed or not, he is still himself. >D]

A present, is it? This is your idea of a present? In my waraji, no less. Well then, to show my gratitude, I offer you this:

I'll find you, Shihouin Yoruichi! It doesn't matter if there is a curse today or not! I will weed you out even if I have to sort through every animal in this city! How many foul, tasteless, lazy cats can there be? Or perhaps you were turned into something more fitting for your personality. A pig, maybe. I'll skin you, demonic woman!

And as for the rest of you. How unfortunate. Let us hope that the City cursed you to be something of decent beastly beauty. If I have to wander through the lot of you, I'd prefer not to gain eye strain by the end of the day. My eyes are not suited to behold anything less than lovely. And stay out of my way, else I'll have your pelt.

Had I been cursed, surely you all would be painfully stricken green with envy.



[ooc: Pissed desu! :D Yoruichi left a hairball in his shoe. Yumi smash. Today he has a distaste for felines. Especially black ones. Feel free to attack/harass/kill him with cute at will, animals. He will be all over the city, invading your posts. Watch out, Kuchiki.]

Ah, what a glorious arena. It wasn't there just yesterday. Perhaps it is a gift from those pesky Deities. After investigating the grounds and the vast interior, I've developed a marvelous idea~

"Self-Defense" students of Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikkaku, show me your strength. Surely there has to be some progress after months of such intense training under one of the strongest men I know and the most beautiful man alive to assist him. (That would be yours truly, for those of lesser intelligence.) Dawn your uniforms, my little ones. Freshly washed and crisp, as it is mandatory that you not embarrass me. I'll have your heads, otherwise. Discard age and gender; tonight you will be made into warriors of the most vicious degree. How far have you come? How red is your blood? How strong is your will?

That we have yet to find out. Consider it a final exam for the month to determine your standing. First blood declares the winner in a free for all match.

But of course, it would be rude to not extend the invitation to the students of one Shihouin Yoruichi. If you feel you have what it takes, come to the arena and leave your blood splatters as signatures that you were there. My team will gladly aid you in doing so. Hopeful recruits, don't be silent. Come to play. I'd like to see your skill in the martial arts. Let us christen this great structure with everything you've got.

Wounds will be tended to accordingly. Failures will result in intensified training.

Spectators are more than welcome. It would be a most brilliant honor if the Sohma clan graced me with their lovely presence.

And yes. If there is some question about my strength, I'm more than willing to satisfy your curiosity if you aren't ugly.


[ooc: Penalty training = playtime with Kushi and Dribbles-chan. And that's going easy on 'em. >>]

[After the initial shock at his new body, complete with frantic screams, flailing and bogus accusations, cue Yumichika eyeing himself in the mirror. Acceptance has hit. And so has the video feed button on his communicator.]



...Ikkaku. I need your assistance.

Annoying City. Really.


[ooc: Yeah. One last lulz for the road! Let's make it a good one, people. ♥ Yeah it's Rihanna STFU. The hair worked, okay?! Sampling sweets in the City did this to him. Watari, you'll die. PS. All residents of the 11th household will come upon this cleaning the Junk Room. ]