Come~ Come~ Come~ My unfortunate Uglies. Today your beautiful Yumichika has decided to be most charitable and amiable. I will take you under my wing and teach you to be the best that you can be. True, your level will never come close to mine, but to have a taste of almost-perfection is a gift that I would like to bestow upon you. Strength and beauty are things most necessary for a full and wonderful life! ♥ Let me serve as your beacon of hope and guide you with all my radiance.

I know a few of you are rather shy about stepping up for aid, but do allow me to address you personally. It is the first step in crawling from your ugly shell, you pitiful larvae. ♥

Speaking of insects, oh ugly Cockroach-chan~ Come to me, you worthless thing. ♥ My greatest efforts will be reserved for you, for you are in dire need. Let us work on that sloppy physique, shall we? And that mask has to go as soon as possible. So much work, so much work...

Shihouin Yoruichi~ ♥ Those split ends. Tsktsk! Such thick and pretty hair made ragged by your lazy and careless ways. And you must be careful of those hips as well. It looks as if you've already delivered a litter of kittens. Imagine that at your age! Give yourself to me and I will transform you into a delicate, wild-eyed sex kitten~ Meow.

Kurosaki-san, let's not be tacky. The hair color has to go. And your pores are atrocious. Do you ever bathe after your battles? I could build a mountain from the clogs in your skin. You'll never win the affections of that ample-bosomed bombshell with those nasty habits.

Ah, the Arrancar and their Rat King. Save the best for last, mn? What isn't wrong with the lot of you? Where to begin, where to begin... I'm afraid that there is no hope for your filthy, greedy, pieced-together toys, but you still have a fighting chance, Aizen-san. Even though your personality is awful and your actions are bastardly, you manage to be civil. Why can't your looks follow suit? That slicked back hair. Really... I believe I saw a pimp of sorts in Karakura Town with the same style.

Ahh, even the dogs have my mercy today. The poor, disgusting things. I will groom them accordingly and locate suitable collars. Something with a jingle, perhaps...

So much to do and so much friendly aid to supply. Yes, City, your Beautiful Messiah is waiting. ♥


[ooc: cursed like a mother eff. And yes, this is him being friendly. Cursed or not, he is still himself. >D]

( [Shinigami Filter // Hastily Coded] )

Halloween? What purpose does this celebration serve? To put a mask over this face would be a most blasphemous thing. Idiotic.

Death the Kid's most esteemed father, I would like to make your aqcuaintance.


[ooc: Half BAW/Half Bored. Slightly agitated. Pre-Menstrual Shinigami desu.]

( [Private // Unhackable // Voice] )


( [Private // Unhackable // Video] )

Ah, another year beneath my sash. Unlike some, I haven't lost count of the days since my birth. Time continues, and the years gently grow in number like ripples upon the surface of water. Mine have eternity to come to an end, so I watch them in all their splendor. Just how many rings have formed, you ask? That is something you will never know~ ♥ And it is customary to give gifts for birthdays, isn't it? Ikkaku, you may purchase this item called an "iPod" for me. I hear it is an exciting thing to have.

And while I am on the subject, what is all the curiosity about Shinigami lately? While I am flattered to be admired and asked questions about how something so beautiful as myself can exist and only be seen by certain Idiots, I don't think it is wise to reveal everything. Some things are better left taboo. As a guardian and deliverer of souls, I offer a small piece of advice: Live a good life and live it well. Not doing so only makes my job more difficult.

In addition, I've been spared from a string of curses save one. I've discovered that it was not a curse but some sort of unexplained mishap. Be it Deity or some other cause that turned me female, I will have your head. ♥

Furthermore I--

THERE IS A HOLLOW TAKING RESIDENCE ON MY BED! AND A WOLF! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!

KUCHIKI-TAICHOU!


[ooc: Birthday was Sept. 19th. ;o; Ichigo is teh dumb. Doesn't mind the blood on the carpet. Just found out about THE DOG MONSTERS.]

MOTHER. FUCK. MOTHER FUCK. MOTHERFUCK. MOTHERFUCK.

Fucking FUCK of a fucking ARRANCAR. FUCK ARRANCAR! FUCKING ARRANCAR.

UGLY FUCKING DADDYFUCKING ARRANCAR!!!!!!!!!!




[ooc: Yumichika. Post-battle. Last night. He was unconscious. Now he's awake. kthanxbye]