Come~ Come~ Come~ My unfortunate Uglies. Today your beautiful Yumichika has decided to be most charitable and amiable. I will take you under my wing and teach you to be the best that you can be. True, your level will never come close to mine, but to have a taste of almost-perfection is a gift that I would like to bestow upon you. Strength and beauty are things most necessary for a full and wonderful life! ♥ Let me serve as your beacon of hope and guide you with all my radiance.

I know a few of you are rather shy about stepping up for aid, but do allow me to address you personally. It is the first step in crawling from your ugly shell, you pitiful larvae. ♥

Speaking of insects, oh ugly Cockroach-chan~ Come to me, you worthless thing. ♥ My greatest efforts will be reserved for you, for you are in dire need. Let us work on that sloppy physique, shall we? And that mask has to go as soon as possible. So much work, so much work...

Shihouin Yoruichi~ ♥ Those split ends. Tsktsk! Such thick and pretty hair made ragged by your lazy and careless ways. And you must be careful of those hips as well. It looks as if you've already delivered a litter of kittens. Imagine that at your age! Give yourself to me and I will transform you into a delicate, wild-eyed sex kitten~ Meow.

Kurosaki-san, let's not be tacky. The hair color has to go. And your pores are atrocious. Do you ever bathe after your battles? I could build a mountain from the clogs in your skin. You'll never win the affections of that ample-bosomed bombshell with those nasty habits.

Ah, the Arrancar and their Rat King. Save the best for last, mn? What isn't wrong with the lot of you? Where to begin, where to begin... I'm afraid that there is no hope for your filthy, greedy, pieced-together toys, but you still have a fighting chance, Aizen-san. Even though your personality is awful and your actions are bastardly, you manage to be civil. Why can't your looks follow suit? That slicked back hair. Really... I believe I saw a pimp of sorts in Karakura Town with the same style.

Ahh, even the dogs have my mercy today. The poor, disgusting things. I will groom them accordingly and locate suitable collars. Something with a jingle, perhaps...

So much to do and so much friendly aid to supply. Yes, City, your Beautiful Messiah is waiting. ♥


[ooc: cursed like a mother eff. And yes, this is him being friendly. Cursed or not, he is still himself. >D]

Ah, what a glorious arena. It wasn't there just yesterday. Perhaps it is a gift from those pesky Deities. After investigating the grounds and the vast interior, I've developed a marvelous idea~

"Self-Defense" students of Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikkaku, show me your strength. Surely there has to be some progress after months of such intense training under one of the strongest men I know and the most beautiful man alive to assist him. (That would be yours truly, for those of lesser intelligence.) Dawn your uniforms, my little ones. Freshly washed and crisp, as it is mandatory that you not embarrass me. I'll have your heads, otherwise. Discard age and gender; tonight you will be made into warriors of the most vicious degree. How far have you come? How red is your blood? How strong is your will?

That we have yet to find out. Consider it a final exam for the month to determine your standing. First blood declares the winner in a free for all match.

But of course, it would be rude to not extend the invitation to the students of one Shihouin Yoruichi. If you feel you have what it takes, come to the arena and leave your blood splatters as signatures that you were there. My team will gladly aid you in doing so. Hopeful recruits, don't be silent. Come to play. I'd like to see your skill in the martial arts. Let us christen this great structure with everything you've got.

Wounds will be tended to accordingly. Failures will result in intensified training.

Spectators are more than welcome. It would be a most brilliant honor if the Sohma clan graced me with their lovely presence.

And yes. If there is some question about my strength, I'm more than willing to satisfy your curiosity if you aren't ugly.


[ooc: Penalty training = playtime with Kushi and Dribbles-chan. And that's going easy on 'em. >>]

[gentle rattling of metal chain links.]


[a pause, then a smirk quite audible in his voice]


Oooh, Ani. I didn't know you were into this kind of thing.

I understand if you were so taken by my beauty that you had to resort to this.

I commend you on doing it without waking me. Did you slip me something? ♥





[ooc: Handcuffed to Anita 'Big Boobs' Browning. browning_baby.]

City.

♫♪ I can tell you wanna taste it, but I'm gone make you chase it
You got to be patient, I like my men patient
More patience, you take might get you in more places
You can't be abrasive, has to know to pace it

If I let you get up on it, you gotta make a promise
That you gone put it on me, like no ones put it on me
Don't bore me, just show me, all men talk but don't please
I can be a tease, but I really wanna please you ♪♫

Explain.

What a wonderful play, Tomo-hime. I enjoyed my role very much. By far, I enjoyed the latest curse, as well.

I told you everything would be fine, Kira-san. You should have seen Zaraki-taichou's apartment. ♥ Kuchiki-taichou conducted himself in such a tragically beautiful manner, too. Ah, the compliment will be remembered for a long time to come!

I have an impulse for organization. Not that it wasn't in me to begin with. Today I just feel compelled.

To Do List

- Find a job
- Remain in an undisclosed location for the next 8 hours
- Check up on the progress of that make-over
- Acquire food
- Commission a new outfit

Needs

- Shampoo
- Facial Mask
- A thing called a Loofah Sponge
- Tabi
- A new brush
- Feathers
- Job
- Body Scrub? ♥

Ugly People
Avoid at all costs.

- Bootlicker
- This thing
- This thing
- All Arrancar
- ♥
- Severe Facial Deficiency
- Loud Mouth
- Clearly a hollow
- You
- Ugly Walk
- Self-Absorbed
- Ugly Hair

Ahh, this list is longer than expected. I believe it will continue throughout the day.

Most Beautiful Shinigami

- Ayasegawa Yumichika
Validated by the Population of the Seireitei



[ooc: Was totally going to skip this curse day, but The Enabler encourgaed me. |D Don't take it personally, folks. This is Yumichika at his finest. Judgemental Narc get~ And yes, the Ugly list might grow. Orihime, he's just jearous!]

Foolish, novice women. Pampered princesses lying around like useless ceramic dolls. Talentless.

I will show you how to be a gem among jewels, a diamond among dirt.

The sought after prize hidden beneath the dunes.

Oh great Sultans of this vast and endless land, shall I dance for you until your eyes have had their fill?


[Private// Unhackable]

After all, no one knows the true desires of a man like another man. Men make the best women.

[/Private]



[ooc: Attention whore. He's an entertainer! Female impersonator to be exact. (What? Didn't know there was such a thing as a male belly dancer?) He'll be performing, collecting admirers in hopes of attracting the attention of a Sultan so he can live the good life and be spoiled. In ur harem, out-dancing/out-prettying ur wiminz. Appearance is as presented in his icons.]

Once upon a time, an XX chromosome named 'damn' met an XY chromosome named 'sexy.' After an evening of unadulterated passion, they later produced 'damn sexy perfection.' Me. Yours Truly. Ayasegawa Yumichika.

But I am but a beautiful, powerful puzzle piece of an even greater picture. No blaring, glittering, over-sized text is needed to loudly proclaim its greatness.

Simply put, bow to your unbeatable masters:

The 11th Combat Division

We boast the strongest captain. We have our secret strengths. Bankai or no, we are unbeatable. We come from all walks of life rather than from strict, stuck-up nobility. We are intelligent, fearless and we can hold our alcohol. Don't let your hearts skip a beat; we just might rip them out before you blink.

Old Man Yamamoto-sama should have created a 5.5 Division so that there would at least be someone as half as strong as us.

Renji-kun, you should consider coming back home. Your brothers are waiting for you. Don't waste your strength looking pretty in the 6th.

And do not be mistaken. I hear this City boasts ninja, wizards, vampires, witches, inhuman things and countless more beings.

We'll kill you too.


[ooc: you saw it coming. |D This is his normal attitude x10 a la curse.]

[a short shuffling sound is heard as Yumichika works to bind his arms]

Damn you, Shiba Ganjyu.

Obviously this is a curse. One of the more dangerous ones at that. Deadly, even.

Yes, this will most certainly get ugly.

I'm no healer by far, but I will utilize the mobile condition of my body to aid those who are in dire need of it.

Captains? Shinigami? ... Ichigo?

[click]

[ooc: pritti Yumichika is still pritti. His wounds are minor because he got lucky. And it helps to have your rumored canon slash partner always hogging the good fights from you.] Cut on the face, burns on the body, compliments of Shiba style fireworks and the ground being flipped from beneath his feet. Nothing broken but plenty of bruises.

[The subtle, metallic shift of a zanpakuto between Yumichika's hands is heard as it is being sheathed back into its scabbard. After a long and silent pause of observation, he speaks, bewildered.]


What a large and beautiful animal. I woke up to it standing over me and fully expected it to tear out my throat.

I jumped to my feet and drew upon it, ready to defend Hanatarou and Captain Unohana should they come to harm from this beast.

...But this creature seemingly has no ill intent toward me despite its vicious eyes. It is now taking residence in my bedding.

...Surely its presence here is violating some ordinance. What on earth am I going to do with it?

[sigh]

A curse, perhaps? This city is so troublesome.

[click]



[ooc: and you thought it would be a peacock. :T It's actually a grey wolf. Researched information found here explained the characteristics of this particular daemon and they fit Yumichika perfectly. I reccommend it as a helpful tool for those who have not found a daemon yet. |D So yeah. Yumi is a pritti wolf and despite it, he bites.]

The 11th Division is now under new management.










[ooc: Yumichika is convinced that he is above 5th seat material. He's no longer content just following behind Ikkaku and serving under Zaraki. He wants the Captain's seat and he will kill for it. Literally. Screw the voting system. I smell a Kenpachi!style overthrow coming on. D: mini-edit: tag backs will be a no go until 10 pm central time. fail job. T^T;]

And so there I was, licking away a drop of blood on my finger from a scratch on my cheek after playtime with Kurosaki and...

What's this?!

Pralines and cream.

What an odd flavor. Quite unusual. I was expecting the familiar and maddeningly arousing metallic taste of blood.

The back of my hand ever so casually brushed past my lips, briefly making contact with the tip of my tongue.

There it is again.

Have I become flavored? Surely this is just a working of my imagination and the result of light drinking for the evening. If this should be one of those foolish curses, I have a few hypothesized flavors for my comrades.

I wonder what Ikkaku's bald head tastes like.

[In the background, the audible and very loud sound of rain and thunder completely washes out the peace in Yumichika's corner of the room. He sighs after a long pause.]

My first rain in the City. I don't remember it ever raining this hard in Karakura Town. I didn't like it much there and I doubt I'd like it any more here.

So much moisture isn't good for the hair, you know?

I hope he gets struck by lightening.

And... as an afterthought, I'm compelled to be in the company of devils today.

...beautiful devils. No uglies.

[Click.]

...Is this a curse? I SWORE I WASN'T BAKING AGAIN SINCE THAT DAMN CHEF KEPT YELLING AT ME AND DICTATING EVERYTHING I DID.

...Even if it was the whole point of helping him in the first place. I'd blame Hanatarou, but I can't even do that this time.

Ah well. The urge is strong and I simply must answer to it. I bent my pride and used these marvelous hands to create a delicious masterpiece!

( BEHOLD! )

Saaaa...

What is it with today? Dare I say it, but I feel a bit homesick. The Rukongai was hardly anything to call a home.

Hell, there was hardly even anything to eat. But she always managed to make a way, my mother. Through it all, even if she had to sleep in the dirt, she remained beautiful through the struggle. I owe it to her to pass on that legacy. Beauty will prevail.

I must show the poor and unfortunate young ones the way...to stay strong and beautiful!

Renji, Rukia, Yachiru! Beauty Bootcamp has started! Don't be late, my darlings! You have curfew!

So help me God, wash your faces BEFORE you moisturize or I'll break them.




[ooc: fdf765s8d7 he's a pageant mother! Run for your lives!]