Come~ Come~ Come~ My unfortunate Uglies. Today your beautiful Yumichika has decided to be most charitable and amiable. I will take you under my wing and teach you to be the best that you can be. True, your level will never come close to mine, but to have a taste of almost-perfection is a gift that I would like to bestow upon you. Strength and beauty are things most necessary for a full and wonderful life! ♥ Let me serve as your beacon of hope and guide you with all my radiance.

I know a few of you are rather shy about stepping up for aid, but do allow me to address you personally. It is the first step in crawling from your ugly shell, you pitiful larvae. ♥

Speaking of insects, oh ugly Cockroach-chan~ Come to me, you worthless thing. ♥ My greatest efforts will be reserved for you, for you are in dire need. Let us work on that sloppy physique, shall we? And that mask has to go as soon as possible. So much work, so much work...

Shihouin Yoruichi~ ♥ Those split ends. Tsktsk! Such thick and pretty hair made ragged by your lazy and careless ways. And you must be careful of those hips as well. It looks as if you've already delivered a litter of kittens. Imagine that at your age! Give yourself to me and I will transform you into a delicate, wild-eyed sex kitten~ Meow.

Kurosaki-san, let's not be tacky. The hair color has to go. And your pores are atrocious. Do you ever bathe after your battles? I could build a mountain from the clogs in your skin. You'll never win the affections of that ample-bosomed bombshell with those nasty habits.

Ah, the Arrancar and their Rat King. Save the best for last, mn? What isn't wrong with the lot of you? Where to begin, where to begin... I'm afraid that there is no hope for your filthy, greedy, pieced-together toys, but you still have a fighting chance, Aizen-san. Even though your personality is awful and your actions are bastardly, you manage to be civil. Why can't your looks follow suit? That slicked back hair. Really... I believe I saw a pimp of sorts in Karakura Town with the same style.

Ahh, even the dogs have my mercy today. The poor, disgusting things. I will groom them accordingly and locate suitable collars. Something with a jingle, perhaps...

So much to do and so much friendly aid to supply. Yes, City, your Beautiful Messiah is waiting. ♥


[ooc: cursed like a mother eff. And yes, this is him being friendly. Cursed or not, he is still himself. >D]

...Ewh.

So many sick faces to deal with. I can't take them all in in one day or I'll lose my vision! Just think of all the disgusting germs floating about in the air now. My poor, vulnerable skin...

The lot of you sick ones, keep your distance. I can't afford your viruses ruining my day. All that sneezing, coughing, flustering, and so on... Threatening to invade my superior body. I shudder at the very thought! Isn't it a human remedy to bite the heads off chickens in hopes of better health or something like that? Whatever chickens are, find one and bite it already!

Honestly, this City is annoying. Most of the Deities are probably leather-faced snobs with nothing better to do. Except that Sabine. What a pretty one she is~ Her skin is so nice.

I'll kill that other one for what he did.

Restlessness has taken me. Hanatarou, I will be over to view movies and such things on the television. It's really too bad Kira-san wasn't able to watch his adult movies before he left the city.


[ooc: D: sorry for dropped tags and missed posts. Semester has been kicking my ass sideways. It will all be over in December. ;-; Papi, Yumi hates you. Sick humans are gross. kthanxbye]

Ah, what a glorious arena. It wasn't there just yesterday. Perhaps it is a gift from those pesky Deities. After investigating the grounds and the vast interior, I've developed a marvelous idea~

"Self-Defense" students of Ayasegawa Yumichika and Madarame Ikkaku, show me your strength. Surely there has to be some progress after months of such intense training under one of the strongest men I know and the most beautiful man alive to assist him. (That would be yours truly, for those of lesser intelligence.) Dawn your uniforms, my little ones. Freshly washed and crisp, as it is mandatory that you not embarrass me. I'll have your heads, otherwise. Discard age and gender; tonight you will be made into warriors of the most vicious degree. How far have you come? How red is your blood? How strong is your will?

That we have yet to find out. Consider it a final exam for the month to determine your standing. First blood declares the winner in a free for all match.

But of course, it would be rude to not extend the invitation to the students of one Shihouin Yoruichi. If you feel you have what it takes, come to the arena and leave your blood splatters as signatures that you were there. My team will gladly aid you in doing so. Hopeful recruits, don't be silent. Come to play. I'd like to see your skill in the martial arts. Let us christen this great structure with everything you've got.

Wounds will be tended to accordingly. Failures will result in intensified training.

Spectators are more than welcome. It would be a most brilliant honor if the Sohma clan graced me with their lovely presence.

And yes. If there is some question about my strength, I'm more than willing to satisfy your curiosity if you aren't ugly.


[ooc: Penalty training = playtime with Kushi and Dribbles-chan. And that's going easy on 'em. >>]

I suppose I can call this "playing catch-up," so to speak. So much has happened and I failed to keep record. I was struggling to make myself even more beautiful than I already am. Not that I have a reason to justify such.

Thus far, an influx of new faces in the City. A Sohma is among them. Welcome, Sohma-san. I've met nearly all of them. Quite a nice arrangement of faces to be surrounded by if I must admit. It's enough to lift my spirits and banish the memories of uglier citizens here.

And I have been fortunate enough to be unaffected by the string of curses lately. Mere luck, or are the Deities too smitten with my beauty to affect me? More than likely it is the latter. ♥ How very understandable.

What is this talk of things attacking faces today? If you look a certain way, you only brought it upon yourself.

( Shinigami Filter// + Exiles// + Ichigo )



[ooc: srry! eye strain = break from intarwebz. >>; Hitsu, he haets ur fais. urahara gets a not!apology. Yoruichi, he's speechless about ur srs captain bsnss. Ichigo gets an "apology accepted" in yumi!talk. God help the restaurant that hosts 11th div. food tiemz.]

Good afternoon, City. I trust you should be collecting the remains of your dignity after that horrendous affair yesterday. In compliance with Great Ayame-san, I fully believe that a good number of you have no right to be naked! Such horrific sights should be restricted to the showers, bath tubs, or buckets you bathe in.

But I will say this~ I received a number of compliments while fully clothed and unaffected. It's only natural that I should. Beautiful things are still striking without baring all. The curse did allow me to meet two appealing people.
Hotohori-san - How noble and graceful.
Jin-san - How stern and dignified.
The pleasure was all mine.

I will even thank the ugly walking stick for the early morning warm-up. I didn't quite appreciate certain parts of you flailing about due to the curse, but I will commend you for bruising my arm. I feel quite energized~


( Shinigami Filter )

With energy to expend, I believe I will take a few trips around the city. Going back to the zoo sounds interesting. That Cashawarly bird thing Yachiru saw... I want to see just how ugly and vicious it is up close.

Later tonight~? Drinking.



[ooc: Cashawarly = Cassowary.]

Once upon a time, an XX chromosome named 'damn' met an XY chromosome named 'sexy.' After an evening of unadulterated passion, they later produced 'damn sexy perfection.' Me. Yours Truly. Ayasegawa Yumichika.

But I am but a beautiful, powerful puzzle piece of an even greater picture. No blaring, glittering, over-sized text is needed to loudly proclaim its greatness.

Simply put, bow to your unbeatable masters:

The 11th Combat Division

We boast the strongest captain. We have our secret strengths. Bankai or no, we are unbeatable. We come from all walks of life rather than from strict, stuck-up nobility. We are intelligent, fearless and we can hold our alcohol. Don't let your hearts skip a beat; we just might rip them out before you blink.

Old Man Yamamoto-sama should have created a 5.5 Division so that there would at least be someone as half as strong as us.

Renji-kun, you should consider coming back home. Your brothers are waiting for you. Don't waste your strength looking pretty in the 6th.

And do not be mistaken. I hear this City boasts ninja, wizards, vampires, witches, inhuman things and countless more beings.

We'll kill you too.


[ooc: you saw it coming. |D This is his normal attitude x10 a la curse.]